Monday, August 26, 2013
A Quiet Life
I think I'm having an identity crisis. I'll be 22 in a couple months, I'm starting my senior year of college & I am scared to death. I'm right on that edge of my life where everything seems possible and so frustratingly impossible all at once. I have so many goals and ideas that I can't even focus for one second on just one thing. I have huge dreams, some so insanely complex and mind-numbingly intricate that I'm not even sure I understand them and then some so vague, they aren't even really tangible or fully formed yet.
I want to illustrate children's books and I want to teach on the side. I want to be a full-time professional organizer or work for (or create) a company like Evernote. I want to create and run my own stationery company & further It's Paper Dear. I want to design plus-size lingerie for poor girls, because clearly no one else wants that job. I want to write books and design patterns for interior spaces. I want to cuddle with Napoleon and drink English teas but then I want to travel and be a collector of adventures. I want to be a full-time blogger and give advice on things, because even if I'm so young, I know things and just want to be taken seriously.
And when I say I want all of that, I mean I want it all. I'm a workaholic, not because I want money or something like that, but I just have so many goals that I don't know how to reach, so I just work and work and work. & There's no "until" because I haven't stopped yet. And I don't think I can or will stop until Darling Dear no longer just represents this small, little blip on the map that has a couple little odd ends to it, but my own little empire of endless wonder that I can share with the world.
I'm frustrated beyond words because I have all of these ideas but neither the time, nor the funds to devote everything to them. And I'm bringing this all to you today, my sweet readers, because I have no idea what to do with my life and there's no way I can be the only one. There's just no way I'm the only one who doesn't know how to proceed. Should I take it slowly and focus on building one thing at a time, even if it takes years? But then how do you do that? How can you tell a dream and a goal to be quiet and sit quietly on a shelf until the right time?
I'm asking for advice and I'm asking what YOU are doing. Because hopefully one of you is better at this whole "grown-up" business then I am, heh.