But quickly following my writing that post, a string of personal events popped up & I put it on the back burner. This topic needed my full attention if I was to do what I felt right. Because it hurt.
Personal friends of mine were targeted and it just sickens me to think that people join in this “sport” and target people and bully and try and convince anyone that they are not beautiful. It hurts and it’s disgusting.
But, I had cooled off a bit and there were other pressing matters in my life. So I might have completely let this go had it not been for Monday night.
A few of us had gotten out of class early and were hanging out and chatting. I’m not quite sure how it came up, but I ended up showing off echerries' instagram.
Which if you haven’t checked it out, please do. She’s the most perfect fairy and everything about her existence is beautiful and all things lovely. & One of my favorite things about her photos is all of her flawless lingerie & how stunning she is in everything. When I grow up, I want to be her, basically. She inspires me constantly.
And most of my friends were as enamored of her as I was. But then, one of them said, “Yeah, she’s hot. But Zie, tell me you’re not going to try and do that.” I laughed. Oh, no! I wasn’t brave enough to do any of the things she did. “Oh, thank God, because no offense, but NO ONE wants to see that.”
This guy went on to talk in length about how fat girls needed to stop & keep all of that to themselves. Only a few guys on the planet were into fat girls & the rest of them would vomit if fat girls posted those kinds of snapshots. And the fat girls who did it were sluts who wanted someone—anyone to look at them.
I nearly threw up. I was so angry I couldn’t even breathe, let alone speak. I didn’t say a word, but got up and quietly walked away and cried. This was someone I thought was a friend. Someone I thought was kind. And then all of that hateful crap poured out of his mouth. And I walked away! I’m still upset about that.
This isn’t the first time I had heard someone at my school say something hateful like that, but it was the first time someone in my direct friend group had. There was a freshman girl I had overheard talking in the hall last month that said she was afraid to go home to her dorm room because she (a plus size girl) lived with three “skinny” girls who any and every time she ate anything openly mocked her and called her a fat pig. This little girl was in tears and I just walked on. I didn’t know her, I hadn’t seen her before & she hadn’t invited me into the conversation. But I just walked away! This little girl needed someone to tell her it was ok and that she was beautiful and that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her eating! And I walked away.
Strike two for Zie.
And I’m so sick of hearing this crap! I’m so sick of girls and guys feeling like they have something to be ashamed of. I’m sick of hearing about all of the hateful and angry things. I’m so sick of walking away.
Starting next semester, I plan on hosting a few talks/meet-ups, and if I can get sponsored by the school, having body-positive speakers come in. Because I want those girls and those guys know that no matter how big, how small, how tall, how short, how dark, how pale, how quiet or how loud that they are beautiful exactly the way they are.
So this is me, bashful & not quite ready for this post to go live but refusing to walk away again. I’m thick and I’m fabulous.