Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Thick & Bashful but Fabulous, a tale of a broken heart

This post has been a long time building. A few weeks ago, #fatshamingweek was a thing. I’ve debated putting some of the worst tweets and videos I found on here, but I decided against it. Because hate, especially that strong and destructive kind of hate, has no place on Darling dear.  The very moment I found out about it, I wished I hadn’t. But it burned into me an anger so intense that I wanted to take on this “holiday”, even by myself if needed. 
But quickly following my writing that post, a string of personal events popped up & I put it on the back burner. This topic needed my full attention if I was to do what I felt right. Because it hurt. 
Personal friends of mine were targeted and it just sickens me to think that people join in this “sport” and target people and bully and try and convince anyone that they are not beautiful. It hurts and it’s disgusting. 
But, I had cooled off a bit and there were other pressing matters in my life. So I might have completely let this go had it not been for Monday night. 
A few of us had gotten out of class early and were hanging out and chatting. I’m not quite sure how it came up, but I ended up showing off echerries' instagram.
Which if you haven’t checked it out, please do. She’s the most perfect fairy and everything about her existence is beautiful and all things lovely. & One of my favorite things about her photos is all of her flawless lingerie & how stunning she is in everything. When I grow up, I want to be her, basically. She inspires me constantly.
And most of my friends were as enamored of her as I was. But then, one of them said, “Yeah, she’s hot. But Zie, tell me you’re not going to try and do that.” I laughed. Oh, no! I wasn’t brave enough to do any of the things she did. “Oh, thank God, because no offense, but NO ONE wants to see that.” 
This guy went on to talk in length about how fat girls needed to stop & keep all of that to themselves. Only a few guys on the planet were into fat girls & the rest of them would vomit if fat girls posted those kinds of snapshots. And the fat girls who did it were sluts who wanted someone—anyone to look at them. 
I nearly threw up. I was so angry I couldn’t even breathe, let alone speak. I didn’t say a word, but got up and quietly walked away and cried. This was someone I thought was a friend. Someone I thought was kind. And then all of that hateful crap poured out of his mouth. And I walked away! I’m still upset about that.
This isn’t the first time I had heard someone at my school say something hateful like that, but it was the first time someone in my direct friend group had. There was a freshman girl I had overheard talking in the hall last month that said she was afraid to go home to her dorm room because she (a plus size girl) lived with three “skinny” girls who any and every time she ate anything openly mocked her and called her a fat pig. This little girl was in tears and I just walked on. I didn’t know her, I hadn’t seen her before & she hadn’t invited me into the conversation. But I just walked away! This little girl needed someone to tell her it was ok and that she was beautiful and that there was absolutely NOTHING wrong with her eating! And I walked away. 
Strike two for Zie. 
And I’m so sick of hearing this crap! I’m so sick of girls and guys feeling like they have something to be ashamed of. I’m sick of hearing about all of the hateful and angry things. I’m so sick of walking away. 
Starting next semester, I plan on hosting a few talks/meet-ups, and if I can get sponsored by the school, having body-positive speakers come in. Because I want those girls and those guys know that no matter how big, how small, how tall, how short, how dark, how pale, how quiet or how loud that they are beautiful exactly the way they are. 
So this is me, bashful & not quite ready for this post to go live but refusing to walk away again. I’m thick and I’m fabulous. 

16 comments:

  1. How dare anyone tell you not to do anything you do (or do not!) want to do. I commend you for this post, completely and utterly. And you look beautiful, your lingerie is fabulous, your skin is heavenly and your hair colour is scrumptious. You should be proud, Zie. I am :)

    xx

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  2. I love this post and the pictures are so sexy! I (also plus (plus plus) sized) also had to hear lots of crap about my weight since I was small and when looking at old photos I figured people must have been crazy for I really was beautiful back then.
    I find it awesome that you plan all those meet ups and talks :) Go for it! There definitely need to be more people as awesome as you are ^-^
    Lots of love and admiring from
    Yoshi

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  3. Thank you for writing this - and you are fabulous!

    As a bigger girl, every time I feel beautiful - and I endeavor to feel beautiful as often as I can, with mixed results - I also get this incredible sense of Fucking Victory. Like, that's right, crappy depressing world- you did not defeat me today. And that feeling of victory makes me feel even more fierce. :)

    Sieze your victory!

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  4. Great post, lady. You look absolutely gorgeous in those photos, and a big UGH to that guy who would consider saying something like that.

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  5. I know fat shaming is terrible but, my male roommate is what we call a chubby chaser. He exclusively fetishes large women and he sickens me worse than fat shamers do. Fat shamers make me mad, because their reasoning is what the media has force fed them. The things he says make my skin crawl. It doesn't help I'm a curvy girl. x.x

    Stand up the shamers but beware. Guys like my roommate think your liberating fatshion photos are well his fapping photos. >< (I wish I could get rid of him)

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  6. Oh my, I don't know what to say! That's terrible. Glad your going to help others through this as well. You look beautiful by the way. :)

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  7. Man, I sympathised with your anger so much in this post - I would have been fuming. How absolutely uncalled for and appalling. I told my husband about it (and the fat shaming hashtag) and he was even madder than me about it. I am really proud of your resolve after that conversation. And though I know you probably don't need to hear it, you are absolutely gorgeous.

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  8. Well, I for one think you look absolutely stunning, like a beautiful vintage pin up model! Any boy who says that is crazy.

    I think your idea is great and, frankly, much needed. It would be nice if every campus had such a support group, honestly the demeaning things I here guys (even girls!) talk about their, mostly, female peers...but of course, they aren't worth my, or anyone elses time. Better yet, they need to hear a big 'ol talk about self love and the beauty of every human being.

    xx Carina

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  9. What?!? I can not believe that he said that!! How rude! You are beautiful and perfect Zie and don't ever let anyone try and tell you different!! You are lovely - inside and out!! xo

    I think a support group with body-positive speakers sounds like a fantastic idea!! I def. think you should go for it - i think that that could help out a lot of people!

    PS I love this photo of you! That negligee is so pretty as is that bra - a bra with scalloping!! There is nothing better!

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  10. Body shaming turns me into a giant squid of anger! It's just... the completely ridiculous idea that one person's opinion defines what is 'right'/'hot' or whatever, and that other people should act on that?! Why is it that the size and shape of someone's body can be more important than if they have a good heart?

    I can't believe that guy said that to your face. He really must have some serious issues, if the way other people look can affect him that much, but I guess it's a societal thing. I hope that if it comes up again you have the strength to tell him that it's not okay - I totally get why you couldn't say anything! I would also have been just completely stunned!

    It sounds like your school could really use those body positive speakers! I hope that can happen! And you look amazing <3

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  11. I agree, with Annette, I am also a giant squid of anger! There are WAY too many misogynistic ass-pirates out there who don't understand that beauty is a relative term & everybody has the right to celebrate their bodies & themselves without fear of constant brutal backlash! Not to mention these poor young pearls (read; girls) who are already having their hearts crushed by the big bad cloud of perpetual self-doubt & self-hate. I think your campaign at your school to get positive speakers in is SO admirable, ALL THE GOLD STARS FOR YOU! PS. You are damn gorgeous, go get 'em!!!!

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  12. This is an absolutely beautiful post from a beautiful person. I think it is shameful that so many people can be so unkind to the people around them, especially people they call friends. And I think there needs to be a focus on body positive education, the media needs to change and people need to change. We need to be more kind and loving and accepting.

    I am so sorry that someone so close to you would say something so cruel, and I am sorry for all the people who get picked on because of their wight, looks, sexual orientation and anything else for that matter.

    Best wishes,

    Tatyana
    www.avoslife.com

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  13. Lovely hair colour and love your lingerie.

    xoxo

    From the island of Mauritius :)

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  14. I cannot believe that a friend said something like that to you. You are fabulous! And maybe you had to walk away those other times in order to really see. Because of it, you are now allowing a place for positive body image. Sadly, there shouldn't just be one place, but maybe by giving others a safe haven, it will also create a confidence that they will carry with them no matter where they are. So when others, such as those rude roommates and so called friends, voice out hateful words it will just slide off and not even leave a mark. Continue being fabulous and inspiring. You are wonderful.

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Hello there! And thank you for commenting. I read every comment, and they mean the world to me! But if you have a question, please leave an email for me to reach you at, if possible. Or you may find it a bit quicker to reach me directly by email (ziecampbell@gmail.com) or by twitter (@ziedarling).
Have a darling day!
-Zie